Five

I wash my plastic silverware and put it in a cup like I do with my pencils. The flip-flops I wear in the shower are a very ugly shade of green. My cousin’s hair makes me think of myself and I miss being home. Every Tuesday I want a cheese quesadilla but I order something else and it’s never as good as a quesadilla would have been.
I’m starting to think that I might stay here for another year. But I’m afraid that my mind has changed to like it here and that if I stay longer, it’ll be a different mind.
I remember when being naked was okay. Once I peed my pants in the art-room bathroom in third grade because I couldn’t get my overalls off. A kid named Corey threw up all over the sidewalk once after 5 cupcakes. It was orange.
I want to take photography. I don’t want to take statistics but I’m going to anyway. When my roommate laughs it makes me laugh. I forgot about shampoo and laundry and how I have to get it and do it even when it’s raining and I have to walk to Rite Aid.
My brother sent me a youtube clip from Alice in Wonderland. We’ll smoke the monster out.
I should be writing papers. Race, mental illness, gender, Victorian women, Indian families, Fanon, Algeria. Cornell West, sex.
Forgive me for jumping. I didn’t want to talk today. I’m shuffled up.
I’m not counting down.
Four, three, two, one.